Adventures & Moments

This post is about to be REAL and I am honestly going to be hitting the nail on the head. I have been a victim of some of these insensitive questions while I have also been insensitive at one point or the other in my life by asking some of my friends these questions. Now that I know better, I think it's high time we stopped being insensitive and mind our freaking business. Yes, I just said that and I ain't sorry😖

Btw, that picture above is just a random picture Husbae took while we were in the bus and I was angry. He was trying to make me laugh but I decided to make a funny face. I hope it doesn't end up being used as meme one day😆. I just thought that it will actually fit the story of today, so I decided to use it but this is not my real face ooo🙈. Anyway, let's delve into the koko (main gist) of today.

I would have said this post is for African parents but over the years I have seen that the problem is not only from African parents. Like I said before, I am also guilty of some of these things. The problem is from both parents, sisters, friends, friends of friends, neighbours and even acquaintances. Like seriously acquaintances 😈. The truth is some people are trying to show concern and love but the approach is just WRONG. 

Below are my top 5 questions that I think should STOP and please if you are reading this post and you are also guilty, Uncle ati Aunty ejoor (please) STOP IT!!!

1. When are you giving birth? 

STOP EET (it) !!! This is definitely my number one because this is just an insensitive question people ask married couple(s). Eeeh Aunty & Uncle, mind your business!!! You don't even know what these people are going through. Maybe they just experienced a miscarriage, what if they have been trying for years and no luck yet? What if they have decided to move their career to a particular point in their life before they start making babies? What if they don't even want to start making babies yet or they don't have the means to take care of a baby yet? Don't be insensitive sir/ma. I have experienced this myself first hand and I didn't take it likely. The grass is not always green on the other side. The fact that people upload their pictures on social media doesn't mean that they don't have inner war(s) that they are fighting/challenges. People just have different ways/strategies of coping with whatever problems they are going through and even if people have decided to wait for a period of time before making babies, please how does that make them less of any other married couple with 10 kids. Please it is very important to be sensitive to people's emotions. These are statements that can make people cry, breakdown or be depressed. In order not to hurt someone's feelings, just SHUT UP!!!, pray for them or waka pass (move on).

2. When are you getting married? 

OMG😡 to be honest, this is just God damn wrong. Some people will even say "Aunty, your biological time is ticking😣", Wait, is it your biological time? who told you that getting married means being successful. I am guilty of this as well. I don't usually ask my friends when they are getting married, however I know I have made some insensitive jokes with my friends about having boyfriends. I know some of them would have said "shebi it's because she is married, that is why her mouth is running like okro 😄 or why she is asking about my boo?" but you know what, your girl was just being insensitive and she should be smacked😩 (now, I know better). The truth is not everybody will get married before 30 and not everybody is/has been lucky with having a partner. Some people are trying but things are not just working out as they expected. Some people have also decided to push their career to a comfortable place before starting a family while some men are not yet financially stable due to responsibilities here and there. So opening your mouth gbaga (anyhow) and asking that insensitive question might be hitting the wrong nail. The next time you see a matured lady or guy who is yet to be married, just ask about their welfare and career instead of asking for their wedding date. Afterall it is only that jollof rice you are after😝, not as if you will live with them afterwards.

3. When are you going to get a job?

Come and employ me nau. Since you are Chief Elejowewe😆(someone that talks too much). Some will even add "what are you now doing at home?", "I am playing Ludo and Chess at home ni". I remember how it was difficult for some of my friends to get a job after NYSC. I mean you can see clearly that fingers are not equal. The fact that you got a job before graduating from University or you were retained in your PPA (primary place of assignment during NYSC), doesn't mean that everybody will get a job that way. Some people are jobless due to relocation e.g Imagine a young girl who just got married and decided to go and join her husband in whatever location the guy is. On getting there she realized the system is a bit different and she needed sometime before getting into their system. So you just asking that insensitive question "when are you getting a job?", will definitely upset her. Another example is there are some countries where children don't start pre-school until age 3 and some parents have to home-school their kids till then. This means that one of the parents will need to make the sacrifice of staying at home which most times is the woman. So asking that question may upset her or make her feel less of herself. Some people might even want to stop their regular job and start their own business but they have decided to take some time off to do a bit of thinking & training first before taking the next move. The truth is people make different decisions at every stage of their lives for different reasons. Don't go ahead poking your nose into people's business (es). I would even prefer you ask me how I have been coping generally with life and then let me decide to tell you some of my challenges than you just asking me that insensitive question. If you are guilty as charged please STOP EET!!! 😦

4. When are you having a male child?

This one is for the gods😅 azzin when you know you can make a male child, come and dash (give) me one nau. The other day, one of my friends was telling me about how some folks were asking her when she will have a male child after 3 girls 😈. So the girls are not children abi? Don't be insensitive abeg (please) and if you see an Abigail (slang for a woman with all girls). Let her be Abigail in peace. Is it your Abigail? Did she tell you she wants a male child and even if she did, pray for her that God will bless her don't go ahead and be asking her further questions about her sexual life and how you had 15 boys😄at a stretch. Epele ooo, mama for the boys😆. I know everybody have their preferences, I do also. Some will say they want "all boys" some like the mix of both, some even want "all-girls" but whichever one God gives you please embrace it and take care of them well. There is this archaic story I have heard over the years from some yeye African peeps that without a male child a woman is not complete. Dear young wife, please don't allow anybody to put pressure on you. As a matter of fact, I am from a family of "all-girls" and I really really love my sisters. If you and your partner decide to try for more kids, go for it as long as you can afford it. But don't because of the society or bad mouthed people push yourself into looking for a male child.

5. You are now fat ooo!!!: 

This last one is more like a comment than a question. The other day an acquaintance was trying to congratulate me on IG for my baby. Aunty why not just say "Wemimo, congratulations and waka pass (move on)", the next thing she said was "I can't believe you can be this fat😩", Wait first, Aunty is it your FAT? C'mon, I just had a BABY yes a whole human being and even if I am fat, did I complain? Please this statement can be very very insensitive to say the least, some people won't take that as a complement. It is not everything on your mind you should say. Sometimes just SHUT UP!!! You can find a better way to say what is on your mind but telling people they are now fat is damn insensitive. This is not only for married folks or people that just gave birth. I have seen some of my friends add some weight over the years. Some people might be going through depression and it can also be a medical condition so just opening your mouth to say someone is now fat ooooo is WRONG. Find a better or nicer approach to say your mind.

In conclusion, I think it is important we stop asking people all these questions. You don't even  know the mood or state of mind this person is. It's just better to ask general questions than hitting the wrong nail on the head. I have been guilty of some of these questions before and I have also decided to stop it. "Wisdom is profitable to direct".

Until next time...💋